loose string

"One-way streets and square one, The answers don't come from any one direction"

 

if you try some time

One morning about seven years ago I woke up very hungover.  This was not an entirely unique state of waking for me.  I spent most evenings drinking and most mornings recovering from drinking and most days preparing for the evening of drinking .  What made this particular hangover notable was that I found myself in jail.  All of the trouble and pain and unhappiness from which I had been running had finally come to an inevitable and ugly head.   I was in a lot of trouble and I had no choice but to deal with my problems.

Sobriety did not come easy.  There is a long and twisted path that led to this place where I find myself today.  Seven years - give or take - of living one day at a time, making the next right choice and trying to get it right.  I am still trying to get it right.  I fail daily in that effort but I keep trying.

Perhaps the hardest thing about getting sober is trying to mend the hearts and regain the trust of the people who loved you in spite of yourself.  Facing the consequences of your oblivion and selfishness.  Finding the ability to forgive yourself.  Knowing that the only fix is not repeating your mistakes.  It takes a while to get past the shame and the self loathing.

I am a lucky person.  I got to have my moment of humiliation in relative obscurity.  The only people I had to answer to were my family.  I fell hard but there were no cameras rolling. 

When I see a person in pain, in the same sort of self destructive pain with which I am familiar, I want to wrap that person up and take them some place calm and quiet and maybe make them some soup.  

posted by: loosestring at 23:53 | link | comments (5) |